Fark my unit. So juz now I went to CGH to collect my medicine, becuz it's not available in alexandra hosp, so I need to go CGH collect. Nvm, so I've been having quite a terrible runny nose these few days and so I was thinking since I'm at the hosp, I might as well go see the doctor and get some flu medicine. Okay, so it's juz some normal flu n I'll need to stay at home today and tml to rest, if not I will need to carry lots of tissue paper with me wherever I go. So I'm on atten C for 2 days.

Then I realised I need to book in tonight becuz there's 'live firing' tml (which I'm excused n I donno wat the hell I go back for.) Anyway, so I called back my coy line to tell the COS abt my new status, and I got farked.

Conversation :

Me: I'm on atten C, for today and tml, so may I know what time I need to book in tml(sun)?
COS: Do u know that OC has passed the rule that no1 is allowed to take MC outside camp?
Me: I donno... cuz I wasn't in camp this whole week, n I had no choice but to go outside camp to see doc.
COS: Wellz, whatever it is, u juz report back in camp tml 8am.
Me: But I thought the rule is that unless my MC is 3 days or more, if not I no need to come back camp to endorse it? Since mine is only 2 days, I thought I juz need to go back camp till my MC expires?
COS: @#$%^&*@#$%^&* No! U come back tml morning at 8am!
Me: Okay, I'll book in tml at 8am.

**Hung up the phone**

As the saying goes : "Lan lan SUCK THUMB!"

"I juz have to say I'm stupid and I do things w/o thinking thru my brain (if I have 1 in the 1st place) and I'm just a bloody loser who can't accept reality, who can't change his thinking and I wish to escape from all my problems. Fark it!"


I kinda feel that I've come to a state where I'm just trapped in my own narrow set of thinking, and I'm really really tired of "trying" to put on a "brave" front when in the first place I know I'm not able to take it. Worse still, I really sick n tired of ppl telling me encouraging words to motivate me. Yes, I know u ppl mean well, and to be frank, I can understand what some of u r trying to say, but the simple fact is that I know all that u ppl r saying. I mean... Well... I do watch TV dramas and the actors/actress will always use such motivating words to encourage. But haiz, I don't mean to offend any1, but seriously, I've GIVEN UP n I wish I can just escape. Yes, escape. I'm juz trying to escape from reality, and pls, sometimes I really wish I can just sleep forever....... For eternity.......

"Dear Lord,
I'm a sinner, and I know I've sinned too much. I know I deserved to be punished for my sins. But if You have to mete out any punishment, does it have to be like this>? "

"Why have you forsaken me?
In your eyes forsaken me
In your thoughts forsaken me
In your heart forsaken me."

Some idiots in my bunk who r just so inconsiderate.

They could talk from 1030pm to almost 1am, and they juz talked non-stop. Wtf. Worse, they can actually smoke inside the bunk with the rest of us inhaling their second-hand smoke. I thought that's the end. It's when I thought I was "dreaming" as I started hearing music and I woke up at around 330am. Yes, sum1 turned on the radio to FM 933 and played the music rather LOUDLY all the way until it's time to wake up for day, which is around 545am for me.

Fark. How on earth can any1 sleep in peace like this. I will bring along a ear-plug next time. Damn these ppl.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RulEUl-rMB0

Okay, lots of changes this week. So those in HQ platoon present last week were made to choose between "1st class soldier" or "2nd class soldier". Wellz, guess I know the real difference now. For "2nd class", u juz need to stay in coy office WHOLE day n do admin stuff n to be more exact, do nth lorz. If nth to do can go to the mess n play games n watch TV. For "1st class" soldier, we need to take part in training n supposedly to go field camp today arz. Even u wat broken leg, broken hand or watever thing also must go field camp. It's like... .... ... ... .. .. **no comments**

O... N I was posted to "bravo" coy aka mono-intake coy. Hmm... My bunk ppl r quite interesting I'll say. Tattos, vulgarities like greetings n all smokers even though some r younger than me. Haiz, n I kinda feel tt I can't adapt well. Yesterday when I was juz posted there, i was greeted by asking me to go pack my standard field pack as we r goin off to field camp today. It's like "wow...", ain't it "abit" too soon?

And on Monday someone in my my new Bravo coy had chicken pox, and so some bunks were asked to "quanritine"(donno how to spell). Yaz, lucky mine doesn't have. And most interesting of all, my PS is 1st SGT melissa. Yup, is a female. She has the IPPT logo on her rank showing her IPPT is very good... and I can only say she's like the "modern" version of Hua Mu Lan, those super chiong sua 1. Her platoon ppl always make fun of her by calling her "mother love".Wow... And when she shout, her voice tend to go abit high pitch n my ears hurt. Well, a totally new environment. Haiz, also donno wat lies ahead.

P.S Pls don ask me what I'm doing here in a Wed afternoon.

I did alot of thinking yesterday and today. I mean literally lots of "thinking", but mostly senseless ones. I had this feeling of jealousy, envy and hatred in me. Things like what have I done to deserve to deserve all these fark up nonsense, why my camp is so fark up whereby some of my friends' camps r better than mine. I was talking to denzil and louis on msn ystd, and they r in OCS, yet they think my camp is ridiculous. They were like asking things how I wash my clothes when we cnt bring clothes back etc. Kaoz.

I'm getting pissed off for no particular reason. Life's not fair. I'm not even going SISPEC or OCS. I'm juz a bloody man. Why the fark do they wan to have all these shit. And one thing I'm quite annoyed. I mean... Most of my friends in their units r basically undergoing courses which require them to do studying, some lectures, and maybe abit of PT to "even" things out. My camp? I think they r like juz training a bunch of roborts to be in tip-top condition as if we r goin to war now.

And I guess not many ppl understand ppl understand how I feel. Many ppl would tell me "O.. u r only left with 19 mths of NS arz.. Just get it done with and everything will be fine. Blah blah..."
Easier said than done. Just look at my coy's current status n u shld have a "rough" idea smth is wrong. 4 weeks into it and 50% of the ppl r on status.

Haiz, I juz hate life as it is. Later must book-in. Haiz, I really dread going back to the camp. N pls don tell me things will change for the better. It's a fact that now it's juz the starting n things will get much tougher. I admit I cnt take it. To be frank, if right now u ask me to join back the main fighting force after 2.5 weeks when I didn't exercise, I think I will juz die. Literally die. Yes, the exponential increasing insanity of the training, I can tell u ppl in the SAF tt I won't be able to take it. U can take my life if u want.

P.S. I'm juz venting some anger. Pls don get irritated if anything I mention have offended u.

I was away from 4SIR for 2 weeks, and so so so many things have changed, for the worse of course. And cuz of my condition, I have to be transferred out of scouts and put in a so'called temp platoon, called "HQ platoon". From morning to night is just area cleaning, area cleaning, and more area cleaning. Okay, I seriously don mind doing it for the rest of 17 months.

Right now, the chin-up regim has increased from 16 pull-ups b4 each meal(that was when I was "fighting fit" 2 weeks ago) to that of 24 pull-ups b4 each meal. Well, that adds up to 72 pull-ups a day, and NOT forgetting the hundreds of standard/close up/spider push-ups everyday. And starting this week, the scouts platoon needs to have their FBO on the whole day, from the first parade when they fall in till the last parade when they announce RO. That includes going to cookhouse for meals and so on.

**FBO = SBO + standard field pack + 2 EXTRA 1.5 litres water bottle juz to add weight

On Thursday they wanted to have their 1st SOC trial run. And before that, they had some kind of "warm-up". The warm up includes stretching and of course the 3km run with SBO, helmet and rifle. Yes, that's warm-up. I was the usher, and as I saw my friends run, they were all like crying out to me that they wan to die when they run past me. And luckily on tt day, by the time they run finish, the weather was too hot, and so they decided to cancel the SOC. I nearly had another panic attack when I saw them run past me, the expression in their faces.

For those fighting fit ones, this week is simply PT, PT, PT, PT and more PT in the morning and afternoon. No lectures, no nth. Just purely train on PT. And for those in the HQ platoon, which is my platoon, whole day just do area cleaning. Everyday stand-by toilet, stand-by bunk, stand-by ground floor compound and all the stand-by.

As far as yesterday was concern, this is my coy's status now:

1) 47 ppl in HQ platoon.
2) 22 ppl on atten C, medical appt or operations out of the 47. (which means ystd left only 25 ppl in HQ platoon in camp)
3) 30+ ppl pending downgrade out of the 47.
4) 4 ppl needs to walk using clutches n their conditions r so bad that they r asked to go back home to rest cuz it's very "unsightly" to see them like tt according to the OC.
5) Left only 50+ ppl fighting fit.
6) Support coy is SO lack of manpower that we have to transfer ppl from alpha, bravo and charlie coy (mono-intakes) to help fill up the "vacancies".

Currently I juz changed bunk, from 4th level to 2nd level, which is the HQ platoon bunk. Out of the 14 beds, every night only got 3 ppl sleeping, 2 of them r storemans, they r going to ORD soon, and actually they not really considered the "main" manpower. In other words, I'm like the only 1 left in my bunk. The other 11 ppl r obviously on atten C. And everytime I was in bunk I have to be on the high alert for instructions, in case they juz shout for fall-in or wat then if I never hear then die liaoz. Kaoz.

Yesterday the CO came down personally to talk to the 25 of us in HQ platoon. He was REAL pissed off at the status as like so many ppl on status. He scolded us that we r wasting the nation's time, nation's resources and nation's money. Say wat every meal we eat cost $5, n we r like not contributing to the nation and blah blah. He made us write a confession, to write whether we want to be 1st class or 2nd class soldiers, how we can contribute to the unit, and how can the unit help us. And he said the 47 of us belong to the "gray shade". N he said he will investigate to make sure all of us will turn from "gray" to "black n white". In other words, if for example u have injury, he will make sure ur injury is so serious that u r going to have injury for the rest of ur life (which means even physiotherapy will not work), if not u must join back the main fighting fit force. All of us were so shocked and scared. No ones dare to say or do anything. We r juz stunned.

Wellz, 15 ppl chose 1st class, and 10 ppl chose 2nd class. I chose 1st class (obviously). For 1st class soldier, he will try to accomodate in to our request n MAYBE post us out to donno where, For 2nd class, they will remain in support coy n do all the "sai-kang", such as do COS duty, guard duty, which means MOST of ur weekends will be burnt.

Yesterday my HQ platoon had to book out one hour later than the fighting-fit ppl, cuz our area cleaning is not good. Some of us wanted to "smuggle" clothes out to wash. the CSM saw one guy's bag was so bulky, he quickly said he give us chance to own-up and go back bunk to put back all our clothes, and if later he spot-check our bag got clothes, he will CHARGE us for cheating. So all of us went back bunk and put our dirty clothes back in our cupboard and then come down to get ready for book-out. There was a new PC, he was here for like 1 or 2 weeks only, then we heard him asking the CSM izzit we cannot bring clothes back, then the CSM was like "yes sir, they r not allowed to bring clothes back". The sir had that shocked face and stunned. Kaoz.

I'm home-sicked. For the first time I really really feel that it's so shiok to be back at home. I've never felt much better. Even 7 days of field camp is nth compared to how our dear SAF has treated us NSF guys.

These few days have really made me learn to cherish so many things. Really, and most importantly kinship and friendship. If not for my parents, especially my mum who had been coming everyday to visit me, and becuz of me she had very bad sleeping patterns and lost 5kg in a week. That's like..."wow..." really... I really thank God for placing such a nice and caring mum in my world. Definitely not 4getting my father and sister as well. Also, thanks to my many friends who took turns to visit me. If not for u guys, I think I would have committed suicide and died.

I remember when I was still schooling, I used to have a simple plan for my future. Do well for A-levels, serve NS, get into uni, go get a decent degree, get a good job, start a family and take care of my parents. I believe many ppl may also have such a thinking, I donno. Whatever it is, these things seem so distant now. I can't even imagine if I will be able to reach the day when I can call myself an "uni undergraduate", n obviously anything further down the timeline seem even more impossible.

These few days I've been questioning myself. How much does one human life cost? Is it cheap or is it priceless? I donno. And I believe in one thing. If u r like the junk of the society, ur life is definitely cheap and worthless. No one even cares abt ur existence. On the other hand, if u r like the jewel of the society, contributing much to the society, ppl will show great respect to u, and if u ever die then many ppl will moan over ur death.

Ask urself this simple ques. Which category do u belong to? If u belong to the former, then I encourage u to just go and die. Stop wasting earth's resources in keeping u alive. If u belong to the latter, then good for u, may ur life ahead be smooth.

Life's a mess now. Fark it. I also donno what's gonna happen to me.

WORLD CUP 2006 IS GONNA START REAL SOON!!!

I'm so gonna root for Japan and Korea for world cup!! But seems like Japan's fate is more or less sealed since she's in the same group as Brazil. Haiz, tough luck for Japan. Nevertheless, I really hope Korea can kick some asses of france, switzerland and togo. Muhahaha, hope it comes true!

What's so great abt POP? No offence, but I seriously don understand y some ppl can make such a big hoo-har over such a minor event. If it's "ORD" we r refering to, then I will have no comments, but for goodness, it's only 'POP' we r refering to! End of POP would mark the start of life at another unit for ur remaining 1.5 yrs of NS life for some ppl like me.

Someone has certainly pissed me off which I shouldn't elaborate much on it. I seriously hope that I won't ever ever get to see that person in my whole life, and definitely not in my new unit. Nevertheless, this guy has certainly given me the chance to make me do things that I've never done b4, which includes pointing my long middle finger at this person in front of the whole section n shout "F*** OFF LAR LOSER!" till every1 goes "OMG! WeiYang is pissed off alas!". Sometimes I really don't understand brain that doesn't work. How can sum1 be so ignorant that when the whole section is making "eye signal" as we talked bad abt him RIGHT infront of him and yet he seems enjoy scolding himself by interupting with nasty comments abt "whoever" we r toking to. And afterawhile he would ask if we were toking abt him. Manz. Can sum1 just invent a machine that can analyse brain that ACTUALLY works! That would be a great contribution to the human society I supposed.

For now, I shall just ASSUME I'm a civillian and "enjoy" life while I can. Haiz. It's still a long way to go b4 I get my ass out of NS.

Just came back from a tour agency with my family. Will be going Thailand Bangkok for 3 days next Sun 11th Jun till 13th Jun Tues. Arz... Can relax liaoz, but I hope there's no last min changes that require me to go back tekong on these 3 days. Even if there is...I think most likely I will AWOL or atten C or maybe ask my "beloved" PC to refund me my $$$ since he's the 1 who granted me permission to go overseas. And I juz realised that on Thurs will be my day1 status and so Fri is my stupid NE trip. So that's only left with Sat, which I hope there's NO 24km route march. Even IF there is....I think I will..... *censored*

So it's 4 more days to POP, don't know if I shld feel happy or sad. Happy as BMT is coming to an end and I get to slack for around 10 days or so b4 being posted to my new unit. Why sad? Cuz it's getting very slack now and I wish tt this can continue for the rest of my NS life (in my dreams). It's even better if u r excused for 7 days of light duties till the day I POP next wed. Arz... Why have I become so slack nowadays!?

But on a lighter note, I'm fortunate to be selected for MP! I hope I did okay for the interview, and with so many ppl wanting to go command sch, hopefully my chance of going MP is higher. And I really hope to be posted to some guard duty unit at some camp so tt I can go home almost everyday! Although nth has been confirmed yet, I really really wish I'm not posted to 1st Guards or some other horrible units.

Surprisingly, I managed to clear all the 11 obstacles course during my SOC half run-down. And for the first time, I cleared the jacob's ladder w/o stopping at the top and "moon-walked" for 5 min or so. Phew... And on Wed was the disaster cuz I had my 16km route march while others have their 24km. It's quite fun to walk in the night although it's not cooling at all and most of us were like totally covered with sweat. Started from 330pm and ended at 1pm. Although it's only 16km, I really hope that it's gonna be the LAST route march and SOC in my whole life if I'm posted to MP. Haiz... I'm really starting to worry abt my posting result.

SIT test was horrible for me, but at least it didn't really affect me much since I'm not interested to go command sch at all. And when I was the I/C, all I could remember saying was "ya ya ya, good good, ok ok ok" etc. Piangz, and I think I used my eye power throughout the whole SIT test. Terrible, but wellz, I also don care. At least those "wayang" kings can stand out among us. And I was the first "casualty" of my detail and I think the 2 medics nearly fainted while carrying me on the stretcher.

The end of SIT test means no more major events except route marches and maybe IPPT. I think I've given up on my pull-ups liaoz. Piangz. It's so SIANZ to do AGR, strength, speed, arms drills and SOC trainings every now and then. Haiz, this sucks. SOC's jacob's ladder is the worst obstacle ever. I could actually "moon-walk" at the top for like a few minutes whereby on the other side 3 ppl had already cleared and those waiting behind me were like wondering wat on earth I'm doing. Maybe I shld try standing at the TOP of monkey bar for half an hour until I can control my legs from shaking too vigorously.

Back from the 11 days confinement. Surprisingly, field camp was much much more slack that what I had expected. It's like..u juz eat and wait and eat and wait and eat and wait... and do nothing most of the time! And weather was generally good throughout the 7 days arz, with only rain on 1 or 2 days. The onlky sh*t thing is my previous platoon seargent who is SUPPOSED to ORD came back to "help out" and he ended up scolding and punishing us like nobody's business till my friends in other platoons say they kinda pity my platoon.

Unlike other ppl, I generally hate powder bath. We had to transform ourselves with much green/black camou cream on our face to that of zhang ziyi in memoirs of a geisha. It's like we literally pour the whole bottle onto our face until it's like those Japanese geisha make-up. Kinda fun but it sucks during inspection becuz most of the time we have to put much much more powder. And cuz I didn't bring enough powder, I geenrally juz pretend to go for inspection and then I will juz pretend I have passed and quickly wear back my uniform.

One good thing for this field camp was cuz of the GENERAL ELECTION 2006. Although I know nuts what's happening outside, but wellz, most impt that most commanders were out to vote and so that leave us with one free technical break, which we ended up cleaning rifle which was kinda stupid becuz it got dirty very easily the moment we were in the field.

I hate trench digging on day6 cuz it was simply hell. I nearly fainted while digging cuz my grave was directly next to a tree and I think I spend more time trying to get rid of the tree roots rather than digging. We literally dug our own grave to sleep in and it was super uncomfortable and we were constantly sleeping in fear as we were kinda scared of insects. And when the commanders shouted at us and ask " U ALL SCARED OF BULLETS OR INSECTS?" , all of us juz shout "INSECTS!!" Piangz, I'm starting to worry abt Singapore's military defence le... With ppl like us..lolx.. The worst thing is when at around 5am, they started throwing lots of thunderflashes and need to do the stupid "arti drill" and everybody was like so blur and donno wat's goin on. And worse still, some of my friends could actually juz sleep throughout the whole process until the commander went to wake them up personally. Piangz, this kind is like even if the whole sky collapse they still continue sleeping arz.

Day 7 was not much better. Had the donno thingyi that we had to leopard crawl for 60m to 70m. Kaoz, I think I ended up dragging myself instead and in the process, I simply knocked myself on the rocks till I have bruises everywhere. All in all, we marched a total of 20km in the 7 days field camp. And yes, I learnt smth impt. NEVER ever run during route march. One guy from my company kinda "collapse" in the middle of the route march and his body temp was 43 deg cel. That's like "HUHZ!? Ain't it gonna cause death or brain damage" Piangz, and he was flown by helicopter to mainland S'pore hospital. Thinking of it is like kinda scary. 40 deg cel is already very serious, let alone 43.

Had my 'live' hand grenade throw today. It was generally okay as all I hope for was that there will be no 'blind'. Lucky there's only 2 blinds in the whole company, and so I think we ended pretty fast. Had my IPPT yesterday, and I cleared every station EXCEPT chin-ups. Shucks, 3 pull-ups which I did was NOT counted. Haiz, I guess I'm mentally prepared to fail my IPPT arz. Nvm, I don't intend to go command sch, so it makes no diff.

It seems that my whole platoon had one "common enemy" as he's literally the wayang king. 5 ppl had been selected to do guards duty on vesak day and the platoon seargent need one more name. He said that if he can't find 1, we'll play the "survival of the fittest" game, whereby every1 will vote the person they hate most, and the fact is that the WHOLE platoon wanna wrote this person's name down. But haiz, we didn't get to play this game in the end. And I can't believe that the person who go around spreading around to sabobtage to write this person's name..is actually his buddy! And it happened he's been the platoon I/C for the past FEW days and we were constantly scolded by him, especially during area cleaning whereby he will go comment on every section's claeniness and boss ppl around to clean. It's like when he turned his back around, every1 starts pointing middle finger at him.

Owellz, that's all I can remember for the events happening in the past 11 days.

3 weeks in NS already. Life passed so slowly in NS and I hate doing push-ups during PT lesson for I know my arms cnt take it. Weak I will say. As days passed, I get to see more "wayang kings" and boot-lickers. Maybe they r dying to go command sch or watz, but seriously I think some of them are so selfish and don really care abt welfare of others, how on earth can they be good commanders? Hmm.... If they really can get into command sch, I think I will start to worry abt the future of Singapore's SAF commanders standard.

Field camp is next, and so my next book-out is on 11th May. Haiz, that's like 10 days b4 my next book-out the day b4 Vesak Day. Meanwhile, I'm trying to think of things which I hope can "motivate" me during field camp.

Haiz. I failed my IPPT terribly. So sianz now. Surprisingly I think so far NS was better than wat I initially thought it will be. Maybe cuz now it's still in the 2 weeks adjusting period so tt's y they still close one eye. I think after the 2nd week will be hell arz. Haiz.

But on the lighter note, it seems that my platoon is the SLACKEST in the whole coy because most of my SGTs are very nice, as compared to other platoons. Phew. And one good thing is that my sectionmates are nice and friendly ppl who will really help me out. But haiz, the thought of my fitness result is so demoralising.

In roughly 12 hours time I'll most likely just reach tekong after taking the ferry ride. And most impt I think I've packed all my stuff. Both my hair and freedom will be gone by tml.

NS here I come!!!

I had a shock of my life when I saw how heavy I was while I stood on the weighing scale. Damn. I need to eat biscuits for breakfast, lunch and dinner from now onwards.

4 more days. I'm so "excited"!

Watched Campus Superstars. Quite expected la. As what I hoped, Teresa and Zhiayng got female and male champ respectively. Then final part, lolx..maybe due to the score that pulled teresa down, and so ZY became overall champ. Wellz, this 3 months of "craze" is finally over. I won't by bothered who's gonna get kicked out for the next round etc anymore.

6 more days to enlistment. I think I'm REALLY starting to feel that I'm gonna lose my freedom pretty soon, and everything is going to be under the control of other ppl. I hate it. Sucks.

Sometimes I think I would rather lead a lonely life and be a loner. I would want to be in my own world. I prefer to be by myself. I like doing things alone. And I think NS is gonna change my attitude towards being a loner. I don't know if it's good or bad. Whatever it is, we shall see.

I had a super weird dream last night, perhaps due to the fact I'm enlisting in around 8 days time and starting to feel abit panicky over it. I dreamt that going to tekong has much resemblance to that of going Hogwarts in the case of Harry Potter. Firstly, in Harry Potter, u will need to take a ferry ride across to Hogwarts, and that is like taking a ferry ride from the jetty to tekong. Secondly, when Harry Potter reached the Hogwarts, he was immediately being sorted out into different houses together with his other friends. The same goes for enlistees I guess. When u r there, u will be pretty nervous about which company u will be in. The only thing in REAL life is that u will NEVER get to see a 'live' sorting hat that takes all the responsibility of sorting the recruits. Perhaps u just have one sir telling u "Okay WeiYang, u r in XXX company". Bleahz, I must say my imagination is fertile. And of course, u won't get to see flying brooms everywhere. Instead, u may see grenades flying around. In the story of Harry Potter, there is this "forbidden forest" that has many dark secrets lying ahead. Well, same goes for Tekong I guess. I believe the so-called "forest" will seem eeric though I have no insights of how tekong is like. I'm starting to let my creative juice flow...lolx... But I guess I'm just being boliao here. The down side abt tekong as compared to Hogwarts is perhaps u won't get to learn magic or brew potions. Bleahz, I sound as if BMT is like going to be a "fun and magical adventure". Seems more like self-denial.

I deleted the questions-answers part in my previous post. Bleahz, in case the SMU ppl wanna read what I wrote juz now and I'll be dead.

Great. I screwed up my interview for SMU accountancy. Firstly, I was 15 min late for the interview, but to be more exact, I think I reach on the dot. They wanted me to reach 15 min earlier, which is 1030am, but I reached at exactly 1045am. Nvm, so when I was there, while trying to catch my breathe, the person told me to go for the interview IMMEDIATELY w/o even letting me rest 1st. Wth. Anyway, I realised that there were close to 10 ppl sitting down at the sofa waiting for the interview I guess, I seriously don't know why can't they allow these ppl to go 1st. Whateverz. So I went inside the room to see 2 men whom seem quite unfriendly. Anywayz, I was mentally prepared for the sarcastic remarks and questions to be thrown at me.

I just realised that SMU has quite tight security. Students need to tap their cards b4 they r allowed through the gates. Wow.... So high-tech. I think in NUS/NTU, u just walk in and out nobody will care 1 arz. NUS/NTU is so big, it's like even 20 ppl juz walk in from outside into the LT also can. SMU still must use security pass. Hmm....

And SMU is so demn small. If u look at the SMU map, u realised that the school of accountancy is the SMALLEST among all the buildings, excluding the library. Anywayz, it has only 5 stories for the acct building, but I think the business and econs/social sci buildings are much bigger and taller. Imagine this, I think the area of the acct building is around that of 2 times the size of a typical JC canteen. U can imagine how blardy small it is. And the fact that it's only 5 stories high really makes the whole building looks small overall.

Owellz, hope they won't deny me a place there. Those so-called "prospective students" over there all look so smart and confident. I think I was the only panicky person. Haiz, whatever arz, I expected myself to screw up the interview. Lolx... What's over is over.

11 more days to enlistment. Argz! I'm bored! I just realised that PS2 FF12 is out. I want to play, but I scared I will suffer from "sudden PS2 withdrawal symtoms", meaning if I were to play halfway and if I can't finish the game b4 I enlist, I'm gonna get restless in tekong. Bleahz. I don't wish for tt to happen to me.

Just a random thought. Sometimes I really wonder one thing. Why on earth is my eyesight so bad when so many others with perfect eyesights are using comp (or watch TV) as often as me. Damn. I want to go for the eye laser operation when I turn 21, which is roughly after my ORD. I want to go back to the time when I wake up and open my eyes everyday, I can see eveything clearly. (I started wearing specs in pri.2) Haiz. It's really horror to live w/o specs now. I'm as good as half a blind man when I don't wear anything. That reminds me of a scenario. If I am in the middle of a jungle fighting a war, and for some reason I lose my spectacles. Piangz. How on earth can am I goin to survive!? I can't possibly stick my head to about 10cm in front of him and then distinguish if he is a friend or foe. I will be dead by then. Haiz. I envy ppl with perfect eyesight.

Went for a swim at Bedok. It's been like 4 or 5 yrs since I last swam. And I had leg cramp after swimming for barely half an hour. But since it wasn't that serious, I continued swimming for another 1 hr. Bleahz, I think I swam a total of 7 or 8 laps (Assuming that one lap refers to swimming from start point to opp. and back to the start point... I've no idea wat one lap means) in 1.5 hrs. And most likely I swam the slowest since those ppl around me can swim faster. Even those old uncles can swim faster. Argz... I'm demn weak now. Must start traning everyday le!! I believe swimming does help in training one's stamina (other than juz plain running). So hopefully my 2.4km run timing won't be tt bad when I'm in. Haiz...

17 days to enlistment!!

I received a call today from SMU that I'm shortlisted for admission into Accountancy, and need to go for some dumbass interview next wed(29th March) and to bring a few documents. So troublesome, and I don really like this interview thingyi. It's as if SMU is some bigshot uni. Bleahz, nvm, as long can get in can liaoz, and hopefully they won't really mind my broken english when I speak to them. And as usual, they will start asking stupid ques like "what outstanding abilities do u possess" or maybe things like "y do u wan to come SMU" blah blah blah. Argz... Nvm, I think I shld be able to smoke thru this interview... I hope. Lolx...

Wasted tripS. So at abt 9am, I set off for Bedok Swimming Complex. When I was there, there was this sign there says some maintenance thingyi today, and will be closed, and that includes several other public swimming pools as well. Nvm, so I went to Tampines SAFRA there and reached at around 10am. When I was there. they were also having maintenance as well, and will only be open from 11am. I was so pissed. Nvm, I shall go again tml.

And hence, I decided to go cycling at East Coast (yet again). When I was cycling towards the west, and I believe I was sumwhere at kallang when it started drizzling. Damn. So I quickly cycled back all the way to the connector which link across ECP. Phew, I managed to cycle "faster" than the wind could blow the dark clouds towards me. (Ok, I donno wat english I'm toking) Just that I wasn't really caught in the rain at all, but I believe it was raining behind me. Owellz, when I was approaching Kembangan MRT station, it started to rain quite heavily. But since I was already sumwhere near my house, I'm too lazy to find a shelter and decided to cycled in the rain, for around 5 min b4 I reached back home. And when I was back home, after like 15 min, it stopped raining. @#$%^@#$%^&*

Conclusion: Today is simply not my day.

And again, my MSN list is half empty. Most of the guys r "MIA" either in OCS, SISPEC or some other units. Haiz, and again I'm gonna rot away while "looking forward" to my enlistment. Finally settled with all my 3 uni applications. And I donno wat's wrong with the unis. Last time during my sis's era, they nv have such system of writing essays. Kaoz, waste of ppl's time. Anywayz, I was just fooling around with my NUS application. Bleahz. Shaowei and Jingwen shld know y. But I also can't be bothered what course they give me in NUS, since I think tt $10 application fee is really for donation to NUS. -_-'''

I'M DEAD!

So I finally managed to force myself to cycle to East Coast, locked my bicycle and prepared myself for the "run". I think I ran barely 200m and I gave up. @#$%^&*@#$%^& Wth rite? How to pass IPPT next time? Damn it. So instead I think I forced myself to walk around 2km? I think so... and it was quite "pissifying" with all the small kids dashing out or blocking the road while I cycled my way back. All rite, it's sch holidays. They r there to enjoy themselves b4 boring lessons start again. Must understand. Next week East Coast park shall be dead empty by then, hopefully.... Then I can do some work-outs at those fitness stations while no1 is watching.

24 days to enlistment. Ho......

Wow, it's already sch holidays!? Though it's none of my business, but I hope the kids r in schools so that the shopping centres will be less crowded. Bleahz, unreasonable demand! I realised I'm starting to like DOTA a little bit. Though I'm a super newbie in it, but heyz, who knows if DOTA is going to revolve around my life for the next 2 yrs!? I'm still trying to learn to get a hang of it but I think I'm really CMI as compared to so many others. Shucks.

Ok. I found one post which I felt it's super horrible. Deleted it. Bleahz. I was writing nonsense. -_-''' Yucks. Disgusting piece of sh*t.

WOLF CREEK>>>>> BORING SHOW!!! I nearly fell asleep while watching. I think the main reason is becuz there's NO chi subtitles. Sucks. In case some who don't know, I have really really bad hearing problems when the "angmohs" speak. I think maybe becuz I nv hear enough of eng ever since young. They seem to speak alien language to me. Hence, I always stick to reading the subtitles whenever I watch eng movies. This means that half the show I don understand what on earth they r toking abt. Perhaps that explains why I really HATE listening to eng songs. Argz.... I rather listen to Jap/Kor songs which I don't understand totally, rather than eng songs which I half understand and half don understand.

CAMPUS SUPERSTAR!!! Lolx, so I was watching the recorded one as I reached home late, and soon after, it's the release of result. KHIM GOT OUT!? Wtf, she's been like consistently good for every single performance ever since the start of the competition and yet she got out!? But it was real lucky for dean to get in as she scored the lowest due to her forgetting the lyrics halfway thru. No comments for the guys. It's gonna get more exciting next week!

O.............. I juz remembered smth. Underworld Evolution is a dumbass show. Pls do not watch it. Waste my $$ watching tt stupid show. I can't figure out whose lycans and whose vampires. Maybe juz tt I'm lagged. But overall, that show is WEIRD as it has sex scenes in like the middle of all the fightings? And the werewolves look more like gorillas. Or maybe I'm the only one who can't appreciate that movie.

So I've been to nus, ntu, smu open house. Met quite a few ppl in the 3 unis. I think more or less I've settled on wat course I wanna take. No regrets.... I hope. But juz tt where shld I pursue my studies in. Ok, and after "much consideration", I believe that I would wan to go ntu. But nevertheless, I shld juz apply for all 3 in case I can't get into wat I want in ntu. Bleahz, and so I was told tt they will be admitting 600~700 students into ntu accountancy, and it happened so that the lecturers/students in ntu were saying tt acct is the no.1 hardest course to get into in ntu. That sucks. Hope they have one pathetic vacancy for me.

And so I was so bored that I started surfing the CCAs that are offered in NTU. Wow, unbelievable, there's like so many CCAs to choose from. And yaz, Shaowei was HAPPY when I show him the ntu floorball webpage. But some of the clubs/societies offered in NTU, 80% I feel that is so super boring. Sounds dull and dead. [As expected, they r not sports CCAs] Yaz, so toking abt sports CCAs, wow, they seem much better than what's offered in sec sch/jc. Okay, I still have 2 yrs of NS to go, maybe shld wait for another 2 yrs then tok abt it. Who knows where will I be then.

I realised many symptoms of STM in me. [STM = Short Term Memory] A sign that my brain is degenerating. I seem to be asking questions repeatedly though I really have no idea what I've mentioned it b4. But I hope I won't get any "stupider" when I get into NS. Owellz, 3 weeks and 5 days to enlistment.

So I've been listening to Jolin's "ni kuai le ma" more than any other songs I've heard in my whole life, I think. Anywayz, I don't know why I like tt song so much, lolx... Maybe cuz shermaine sang tt song? And talking abt CSS, haiz, the results are quite disappointing. Okay, in case I'm accused of anything, I hope dean, teresa, khim will get in for the gals. And for the guys, hopefully it's zhiyang, adriano and yuyang. Lolx... Ok, so I didn't mention who shall be out, but who shall be in instead.

Life is SO SO SO BORING>>>>>>> TO THE MAX!! How on earth am I going to adapt from a life of a pig to that of a soldier? I have 4 + weeks to enlistment. Ok, so I think I'm going to countdown to my enlistement date for my subsequent posts. 4 weeks seem long but I think I'm goin into tekong in no time. And the 1st batch r having their POP these few days!? Piangz, it's like so fast!? It seems that they enlist only a couple of weeks ago. But I believe tt 9 weeks in tekong will seem like 9 months to some ppl, like me? I've read and hear enough of horrible stories of tekong, like how tekong is "cursed" as so many ppl fall sick etc. Right now I can imagine that I will be longing for my comfortable bed in my air-con room while I sleep in the grave that I dig for myself in tekong? How I wish to have a comfortable warm bath while I'm wearing the uniform which I've not washed for 5 days? Ok, but the thought tt everyone will be going through this shit together with u makes me feel a little more relieved as u r not alone. If u feel bad, I believe there r always someone out there who feel worse than u. If u think u r weak, there r always someone out there who is weaker than u. Okay, this is pure "self-consolation" to make me feel better. Bleahz, anywayz, I was reading my resolutions for 2006 in one of the old posts. The first was fulfiiled, now I'm left with one and only one resolution, which is to slack throughout in NS! I felt slightly better cuz I'm in sch1, as I compare my friends who are in sch1 and sch2, sch1 seems alot more "slack" than sch2. Sch2 seems like hell. Hopefully I'm right. BUT I HOPE they won't swap the the officers in sch2 originally to sch1. If not tt's gonna be hell, and yaz, hope I will be posted to some "taures"-alike COY. Most ppl reading my blog shld know what I mean. Anywayz, hope it's going to be plain-sailing for me in time to come.

A few things I "foresee" I'm gonna die in.

IPPT - I think I will do 0 pull-ups. I'm fat n weak like a pig now.
Shooting - I'm PA JIAO arz, what do u expect!? I'm gonna shoot the mozzies and ants (hmm...tt sounds like mengyang's wife)
SOC - I'm gonna get stuck at low wall. Or maybe the "pyramid" thingyi where u need to step on logs. I think I'm gonna step onto empty air.

Ok, other than that, I hope I can survive the rest. Even if I don survive, I hope that many ppl will screw it up totally with me so that I'm not alone (tt sounds evil). The ONLY good thing abt beling enlisted in April is that u will already roughly know WHAT to expect in BMT and how to smoke ur way thru, as the Jan batch will share their experiences with u. Okay, now that the Jan batch r having their 12 days break, it's time to jot down every single tips that u ever need to survive. Then I shall compile it up to form a book: "101 ways to survive in tekong BMT". Lame.

Some bi*ch simply turns me off.

CCD D7 go NTU engineering lar. If not go private-u. Worse come to worse go poly lar. Wtf.

As I was telling MengYang today abt a bad dream that I had last night. When I woke up, I was in tears, and I think my pillow was partially wet.

I dreamt that MOE has arranged for some "guinea pigs" to do the trial run for the H1/H2 subjects system. I was in my 4e1 class. Yes, it's sumthing abt bringing the H1/H2 system to O-levels (Don't ask me why my imagination is so fertile) Anywayz, it's O-LEVEL for goodness sake. Only those who were in JC taking Chemistry were selected. That includes quite a few like MY, SW, GX, Loo, Denzil, Johanna, Melina, Xueli and a few more. It's suppose to be a trial run for Chemistry, and so the person holding the "lecture" is none other than my chem teacher Mrs Sharon Kang. (My Gosh) The topic was on organic chem. Oyaz, btw, we were all in our JC uniform. (Don't ask me why wear JC uniform in sec sch class) Mrs Kang was frantically flashing the transparency at a super fast rate, and everyone was busy copying down the notes. I think I was too lazy to do anything then. Anywayz, soon after the lesson, we have a so-called "surprised test". So we cannot refer to anything and I remember clearly that the 1st question was "Draw the structure of propanoic acid" Everyone was busy writing the answer, but for some reason I didn't know what is that n so I leave it blank. And true enough, EVERYONE knows the answer except me. Mrs Kang walked towards me n kind of asked me why I left it blank. I was like telling her I don't know the answer. N soon after, she started scolding me like nobody's business as if I've juz committed some terrible sin. And I think the whole class was like looking at me. She scolded me till I broke down into tears and poof! I woke up with tears in my eyes. I think maybe this is an indication that I've flunked A-level Chem.

O yeah, K-boxing was fun! Wahahaz, we tried singing all the "high-level" songs. Piangz, and I think most guys seriously can't sing high pitch songs. But wellz, who cares, as long we enjoy ourselves then I think it's enough. So 3 of us spent 4.5 hours singing. Owellz, n I think I repeated quite a few songs as I know very few chi songs, not like MY and Joel. Too bad I can't find BoA's songs if not............ Lolx... nvm.

Pardon my grammatical errors.

For once I didn't have to do call backs the whole day. Guess I'm really sick of using the phone, or shld I say sick of talking to ppl. N so for today, I did 3 hrs of call-backs and another 3 hrs doing data-entry. My gosh, the comp is so freaking LAG and is so demn boring. Argz.. But one good thing is that no1 was there supervising and I get to really type at my own sweet time. Since it's fixed pay per hour, wellz, might as well type slowly. Hmm... And I think I'm sick of looking at survey forms. Kaoz.. The sight of having to type like tens or even hundreds of survery form answers into the comp is really demn sianz.

So I had one super weird dream ystd. Ok, it's not tt scary, but it's just weird. I was looking at the A-level result slip that my civics tutor passed to me. Ok, then I look at it, there were 4 subjects. I got some alphabets grade for maths, chem and phy, but tt's not the main point. I was looking at "Biology" and next to it, there was a number that says "19". That's the weird part, as I donno wat "19" means, so I asked my tutor wad on earth is tt, y isn't it some alphabet grade instead. Then she told me "19" is the "score" tt I'm supposed to get. And so I got abit pissed off and started arguing with my civics tutor wat crap is this. Then after that she told me that I took "H1 Biology" and that I am not allowed to use Bio as the best 3 A-levels subject, and so it doesn't matter whether is it "19" or whatever shit. I was like freaking puzzled and abit pissed off. And nvm, then I realised that I couldn't find "general paper", and so I asked my tutor that why on earth is my GP grade not on tt stupid result slip. And I think she kind of replied smth such as cuz I didn't do well for GP, so it's doesn't really matter if I have my GP grade on it, since it won't make a difference. I think at that moment I was so fuming mad as I don't even have the right to know how badly I did for my GP. Ok, then I think I started hitting everyone around me like some mad guy and soon after, I woke up. Owellz, it's quite a weird dream ar? Still donno how on earth I can actually dream abt doing "H1 Biology". And up to now I've been trying hard to think wat "19" stands for. Wah kaoz, but 19 sounds like a "fail" grade lehz. Haiz... nvm.

Chinese New Year is finally over! Lolx.. counting down..around 7 weeks + a few days to enlistment. So I've been working as a telephone surveyor for 2 days, on fri and sat. What can I say, it's quite ok as u get to work in a comfortable environment. All the conversations were recorded down and u actually get to hear ur own voice. I was listening to the very first conversation I had. Kaoz, I was like thinking y my voice sounds so horrible and like coarse. I can't even really understand what I'm talking, let alone other ppl. Anyway, after making calls to near to like 60 ppl, I think I've improved, but it's still so demn horrible. It's like imagine u hear this kind of voice in radio FM, u will surely feel turned off and feel like slamming ur radio tt kind. Some of the things to take note of.

1) Cut down on SINGLISH. I think my supervisor wanna give up already when I keep saying all the "lar", "loh" and whatever u can think of. Ok, must speak in standard English so as to make yourself sound professional.

2) It really tests you LISTENING COMPRE skills. Yes. Imagine if u ask one question and the customer started talking a mixture of relevant and irrelevant stuff, I'll need to filter away the rubbish and write down only the relevant ones. When ppl said "self-employed", I can actually hear "sales-employed". I have quite abit of hearing problem.

3) Even though the survey is in English, you must KNOW how to translate into Chinese if it happens that ur customer is chi-speaking. Okay, that sucks becuz I don really know how to translate some technical terms like "nanotechnology" and some other terms I seldom heard of.

4) Learn to be polite. Even if the person scolds vulgarities or scold u and start slamming the phone, you will still need to smile and say "Have a nice day. Thank you. Bye." Wtf, that's so sucks.

Nvm, tml is the last day of the project. I think it's gonna be the last day I'm working. I can't speak proper English. Forget it, find a new job on Tues.

A low self-esteem person who likes to have all the pessimistic thoughts. That's me. For some "weird" reason, I don't know why recently I keep thinking of some horrible stuff like death or whatsoever. Sometimes I feel like as if I'm some 80 yrs old "ah pek" ar. No life, no energy. Worse still, no dreams, no aims or whatsoever. In the middle of no where, n I don't know what I really wan. Other than the fact that the coming 2 yrs I'm gonna stuck in NS, I feel so worthless. Like the junk of the society. Argz... Hell with all the negative thoughts.

Recently someone asked me what is life? I said donno lar. N he told me life is abt TRYING to make a living. Kinda stunned at the reply. But thinking for awhile, that's quite true ar. Life is so dull and boring for me, at least for the time being. Haiz, wasting earth's oxygen supply or whatever there is.

2 months have passed and left another 2 months to NS. Owellz, 50% of my so-called holidays is over. That's pretty fast, but yet pretty slow. I will need to spice up my life or I think I will gonna go insane. Seeing everyone busy with studying or with NS or with work, that just makes me jealous. Sounds contridicting but I realised what I really want is something to keep me occupied to the max. so that I won't let my thoughts run wild. It's only then I realised blogging is one thing which keeps me occupied. Lolx..so juz allow me to continue with my rubbish.

I think I complained to a few ppl b4, but can't remember who. Anywayz, it's abt the fact tt I'm enlisted in April. I was like over the moon when I received the letter that I'm enlisted in April... But now? Kaoz, I swear I wish I'm now in some stupid field camp in some ulu jungle of tekong now. All the shit abt what enjoying civillian life b4 NS. Piangz, craps! If what I predict is gonna be true, then I believe that 2 yrs later when the 2006 Jan batch of NS guys ORD liao, I bet they r going to waste their time away doin nth as well, n will be like me now, wasting life away. Sighz.

Life is so boring. Anyone cares to give me counselling on 10 reasons why life rocks?

Fell sick today. And vomited once. Piangz, but then I was telling my mother maybe it ain't a bad thing after all. On average, I realised that I will fall sick once a year. Not more or not less. Exactly once a year. So since I've fallen sick for the year 2006, hopefully I'm not going to get SICK again in NS, after seeing so many of my friends who are in so bad conditions after juz 3 weeks of BMT. There was once I actually asked my friend if he's actually "poisoned" or wat. Now that I have almost the whole time to myself, not having to worry abt missing lessons or wat, it's just the "right" time to fall sick. Nvm, I making myself sound as if I'm "happy" to fall sick. -_-'''

I'm starting to get paranoid after toking to the teachers who have taught me b4 in sec sch, when visiting them today. Piangz, roughly 2 weeks or so to "heart attack". Haiz... 2 weeks will pass very fast 1. Can't be bothered. But now I'm more interested in using the bicycle which I think I've not used for 6 years to cycle. Hope nth goes wrong with tt bicycle, as I think maybe I will want to use it to cycle to East Coast. Lolx..It's been like such a looooong loooooooong time since I last cycled, but it's time lose some FATS. Piangz, I'm so heavy and weak now. Gosh... I doubt I have the determination to "condition" myself to a "desired state" b4 NS.

Time flies ar. It's already the 3rd day of CNY! Anywayz, so like I've mentioned before, CNY is really abt meeting relatives and friends whom you've not seen for a long time. And I realised that I talked alot more this year than another other years before. Arz.... "cockster". Owellz, so my cousins started talking abt NS ar, abt wat to look out for, and of course, tips to how u can smoke your way thru NS. Wahahaz.... But then again, they were telling me to start exercising after CNY, roughly 2 months b4 enlistment shld be juz nice. And to my horror, I realised that the no. of pull-ups that I can do has dropped by alot. If last year I could do like barely 5, so more or less u all can guess how many I can do now. Jialat ar, how to survive BMT? Nvm, 2 months b4 BMT. Must start conditioning the body, if not I'll sure breakdown in tekong.

So it was 12.45am, together with my colleagues, we were having our "dinner" together. Anyway, we were juz in the middle of donno where ar, surrounded by lots of pubs and chi restaurants. I was having my chicken cutlet when I heard somebody from afar shouting some hokkien, don't know shout wat ar, also can't hear properly, but at that moment, I was thinking should be juz some boliao gangster bah. Then it's like one second later, almost 20+ ah bengs all ran past where we were sitting, and 2 of the guys have bloody heads. Piangz, I think I lost my appetite of eating liao. So it's obvious that there's some gang fight very near where we were eating, and yaz, one gang chasing the other. Then the funny part, after running towards my "left direction", after around one min then some of them ran back the opposite direction to where they come from, i.e my "right direction". I thought tt's the end of the whole story when suddenly these group of ppl started bringing those like baseball sticks. And this time round, they don wan to run at the road, they decided to run along the patheway outside those pubs/corridors, exactly where my colleagues and I were sitting. We were like "frozen" for a moment and we keep mumbling to each other to stop STARING and eat out food! Owellz, and of course, I started seeing more ppl with blood all over their heads and t-shirts. But right after our dinner, while we walked back to the bus-stop to take the night rider, an ambulance had arrived together with lots of policemen. N one guy was so badly injured that he was given immediate blood transfusion on the spot, with those police interrogating him. His face was so totally covered in blood that u would have thought he juz took a shower with red paint or watz. Thinking back, it's like "wow", as if initially u thought only u can find such actions in HK serial dramas or wat, but it's actually happening right now, in front of me and when CNY is like so near!

WoW... It's been a long time since I last blogged. CNY is juz round the corner, and I guess most ppl have already bought their new yr clothings. Bought only one t-shirt, owellz, n I was kinda "forced" to buy it. In short, guess I'm not really in the CNY mood at all. In the past when I was still schooling, CNY hols = sch hols. Now that I don't need to go back to sch, CNY to me makes no diff anyway.

Had I known that I'll be wasting my time all the way till April, I wish that I'm enlisted in Jan. Now that I'm left with like 2 months or so, kaoz, no sch will actually wan me to do relief teaching. And I think maybe next time MOE should juz put there "Pls register only if u can commit for at least 6 months." kind of notice. Waste my freaking one month waiting and yet no sch called me. Hai Sing called me but wans me to commit till May. Sucks. Give up hope liao. I think it's really a blardy waste of my time. And now most tuition agencies wan min. A-level result, which means I have to wait for another one month or so for the release of result b4 I can really register. And worse still, now tt I'm enlisting soon, no one will wan me to give tuition ar. !#$%^&* Argz...

To whom it may concern. What I'm going to say is for u to read. Yes, and firstly, I wan to say that tt day I juz wan to share with u a job opportunity, but wellz, since u don't like the idea, then fine. That's how I ask some of my friends out and yes, some joined but some did not. Those who did not join didn't really feel anything much at the end of the day. I don't know for you, maybe u r not "open-minded" enough or watz. Okay, fine. And pls don't say tt u don't like ppl who beats around the bush. I asked u a few times, and yet u were saying "O.. No, I'm not angry." This is wat I call "the pot calling the kettle black". Like what u say, I think maybe I shld tell u how I feel too, after reading ur post tt is specially dedicated to me. I refuse to put ur name down here becuz I believe tt is the most basic respect u can ever give to a friend. Yaz. Btw, I don't know wat's ur intention, but u give me the idea u r trying to get ppl's sympathy. After saying so much, really, no offence to u.

Wellz, tt's all I wanna say. Anything u can juz tell me in ur blog.

So Shermaine from campus superstar has finally posted her first comment in the school forum. Owellz... For once I feel tt I will definitely support her for the "revival" round. Don't know how much money I'm willing to pay, but yaz, maybe just give a few calls bah. Hope her twin sister from SAJC will get in so that both of them won't have to "compete" for the revival round. Hmm... How to ensure Sheena gets into the next round? Ask all the tpjc ppl to support her next week, as according to the sum1 in the forum. Piangz... that's like double support. Madness.

Back in S'pore! Owellz, I can say I really miss the cool weather in S'pore. It ain't fun at all when it's minus 18 deg. cel. at night in Kyoto of Japan. Wanted to blog in Japan, and the next thing I realised is that I can only blog in Japanese. Kaoz... In the end nv blog.

Shall update asap!

Hmm...Okay.. So looking at the time now, I'm actually at Changi Aiport T1, making use of their free Internet access. Flight is 11.55pm, close to mid-night. So now my parents have gone "shopping" to look at some duty-free stuff, and now I'm alone, "trying" to blog. Owellz, kinda EARLY to check-in now, but it's always a good habit to be early than late. Lolx... The thought that my lips will dry-up and crack like siao is kinda scary. But then again, it's only for a few days.

And yes, shall blog again when I return back.

A huge barrier has evolved between you and I. Like a huge mountain or a deep sea between us. I can't say what. Don't ask me. We are still business partners on the surface.... Ya.... But smth is definitely not right.

Finally I've completed my FF X-2!!! Piangz, after dragging it for so long n playing for around 32 hours, one game down! Okay lar, I think I'm quite slow as other ppl can easily complete it within 20 hours. Owellz, but I guess I also won't be playing much of PS2 now. Don't know why, even game seems so sianz to me now. Lolx, don't know is it good or bad. But wellz, at least I'm not addcited to some maplestory or DOTA thingyi, which I think is definitely a good thing.

So came back from OCIP bbq juz now. Lolx, okay ar, maybe slightly less than half the total no. of ppl turned up. Anywayz, perhaps it's really the last time I get to see some of them as I think most of us will either be going NS or working ar. Owellz, and yes, hahaz, I'm surprised HuiTing actually reads my blog! (Okay, HuiTing, I think u r reading this) My blog layout, posts, everything is like so dull.... Lolx, but there were times when I thought no one reads my blog. But then again, sometimes I do wish that no one will read my blog. Irony. HmMm....

So I missed the first episode of the "campus superstar". But wellz, I was checking tpjc.net juz now and it seems that Shermaine from TPJC managed to get to the next round! Big congrats for her!

WeiYang, your true color is Black!

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them - your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness - trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

New revelation in a new year!

-Don't look back at old sins that have been forgiven.
-Don't look back at the old defeats that get you down.
-Don't look back at old conflicts that make you bitter.
-Don't look back at old victories and think you have arrived.

I was browsing throught my past entries. Mostly pessimistic ones, but it's all right! Look forward to a better year ahead. Start the brand new year with a change, and definitely a change for the better. Okay, so I was telling myself that I should try to avoid blogging all the bad happenings of life. Owellz, all the ups and downs of life, why bother recording down the bad ones only and to be negative as a result? Hence, I shall learn to record down all the nice moments of life from now onwards. Hopefully at the end of 2006, as I review back how 2006 has been, it shall definitely be a better year than before!

I've more or less upset my sleeping system. Wide awake in the middle of night and tired/sleepy in the day. Thank God school is not starting next Tuesday for me, if not I'll definitely have a difficult time adjusting back.

I've been so tired nowadays. No amount of sleep helps. And worse still, the more I sleep, the more tired I become. Piangz, what's wrong with my body!? Though I think for most ppl it's also abt the same effect, but haiz, I become too lazy to do anything fruitful for the past few days.

And one last very important lesson I've learnt just today! From now onwards, I will need to consider if there's a need for me to use public transport. Adult fare aRz!! Especially so when I won't be taking any allowance from my parents. Self-support my own meals and transport. I believe there must be a way out..... HmM....

Finally it's the last day of year 2005. All right, shall write a brief "summary" of what happened in what I think is a "below average" year.

2005 started off with JC1 orientation. Er.. Fun, as I could "openly" skip lectures and tutorials w/o having to run away from teachers. Thinking back, I also couldn't remember much abt 2005 except to mug for stupid A-levels. As mentioned before, one which had made me lose nearly 10 yrs of my lifespan. A-levels suck! During that hell period, I kept telling myself that I will never forget those horrible days I've gone thru. But right now, at this very moment, I couldn't remember anything abt the pain I've gone thru. But that's definitely a good thing, as it shows I've more or less "gotten" over those bad memories.

24th Nov marks the end of 2 yrs of hell. Anyway, soon after it was prom night. Get to see some ppl dress to their very best... But wellz, prom night also marks the end of the so-called "JC education". Now it's freedom.

Worked at motorola for 6 days. Piangz, nightmare as well, thank God it's all over now. Right now working in a marketing company. Made lots of friends, and learnt lots of things. But ever since after A-levels, I can't help but feel empty at times. Loner!!

In year 2006 I'm juz so looking forward to 2 things. One is the Japan trip next friday. Another one is that I'll be able to do my relief teaching asap right on 16th Jan. Don't know why, but I juz "look forward" to going back schools. Piangz, 12 yrs of schooling liao, not sianz of it. Maybe I spent most of the time in school as if next Tuesday sch reopens I need to wake up at 6am again. But no, next Tuesday gonna be another normal day for me. Students rushing off to schools before the bell rings and stuff.

Resolutions for 2006? Wellz, first thing is hope get back results can average B or C grades shld be fine lar. Then is NS! Wah kaoz, wat can I expect from it? I also don't know, juz hope that I can slack throughout my time in Army.

My FIRST motorbike experience! Okay... So I left the company at around 1.30am for supper and by time we finished eating, it was around 2am! Piangz, time flies ar. So a colleague of mine who's such a kind soul decided to give me a ride home although it's totally 2 different directions. Piangz, okay, so I told him I never ride a motorbike before but he told me it's nth much. Owellz, juz some "common sense" like if he turns right I slant towards the left kind of thing. Anyway, the journey from clarke quey to kembangan, past the esplanade, it was so demn cool! Although I must admit throughout the ride I was literally praying for safety but wellz, the thought of not much vehicles or ppl around, as if u have the whole highway to urself is such a sHiOk feeling. Hmmm... and yes, I donno how to wear the safety helmet. From the moment I went up the bike, I was trying hard to adjust the fasterner of the helmet, and by the time I finally put the fasterner together, I was already at Kallang. Piangz. I'm so demn "mountain turtle" lar. Haiz, nvm, everyone also has their first try. Hmm... Next time must ask all the east side ppl of those riding bike give free ride.

Don't know what to blog abt. Owellz, only thing is I'll be going Japan next Friday. (06/01/2006) 6 days. Osaka and Tokyo. REALLY looking forward to it! Piangz, after months of mugging for stupid A-levels and weeks of hard work, I think this break has come at a right time!

Okay, what I'm going to talk about has nth to do with my holidays.

Really, to me u r just some pathetic soul. U don't go around telling me what ppl around my age YEARN to hear ur so-called "motivational talk". *Puke*. Don't make me laugh lar. Look at ur performance. Really, it sucks lar. I think I can easily lap u if I wan. And pls, don tell me that JC ppl are ppl who only know theory but no nuts abt what "society experience"? Perhaps true to certain extent, but u think u know "alot" izzit? Really, not that I despise ITE students but I seriously think that u know nuts abt the real world too. N pls stop saying that JC students know very little. I don think ITE students know more than JC students. Com'on, u r juz 2 yrs older than me. Why don I put u to challege with some 17 yrs old RJC ppl? And for goodness, don think juz becuz u join the company earlier then me means u know ALOT more than me lar. Even ur directs have lapped u. What can I say? U suck big time. Now that I'm on-par with u, it will be soon I overlap. Trust me. Wait till u c how "cocky" can I be! Don't keep saying I'm what "typical JC student" hor. I don't talk much doesn't mean I'm as inefficient as u. And u talk too much but all useless talk. It'll be soon u c that the company's JC students are not as "dumb" as u perceived ar. N juz becuz we are 18 or 19 doesn't mean we are very "inexperienced".

And most importantly, I don't need u to tell me what to do. I think there are more qualified ppl in the company that can guide me, pls don't "volunteer" ur help hor. Really, no one will appreciate I guess.

Talking about relief teaching, 6 sec schs have accepted me so far. Erm.. CCHS(Main), TKGS, Ngee Ann Sec, Coral Sec, Bedok Green and Bedok South. Hmm... Hope that any one of these 6 schools can accept me right on 16th Jan next yr. Haiz, no Haising, but nvm ar, new experience. But then again, really hope can get to teach in either CCHS or TKGS, see how such sec schs are different from other neighbourhood schools. Like Joel Ong's blog, hope the teachers next yr term1 can apply for lots of maternity leave so that we will have the chance to do relief. If not then it's so demn...argz...

Woke up at 12pm n went to the National Library at Bugis there, think Singapore's largest library. That place is fantastic, it took me more than half an hour juz to explore that place. Didn't really have the chance to really look at what books they offer, but wellz, that place is really quiet with no disturbance or whatsoever. Maybe I will visit that place more often in the near future, since it's so near my workplace. Erm... Then went to the popular next to tt library, lolx, again just to browse thru some fiction books. Don't know izzit becuz I too long never touch books or wat, suddenly juz feel like reading "something" to pass time. (Obviously not sci related boks! Juz some novels or fiction books) Hmm... perhaps I should just make it a habit to go to the National Library before work at least once a week.
And talking abt books, NOT THAT I LIKE TO STUDY OR WAT ar.... But for a split second I actually missed school. Wah kaoz, don't know what to say. But thinking back, there's nth much to miss abt tpjc. Maybe going school allows u to interact with friends and hence time passed quite fast. And for once I cannot even write properly. Haiz, every holidays season also like that. Too long never use pen liao then have to adjust to writing fast again.
And yes, I didn't expect the MOE ppl to be so efficient. So my application for relief teaching has been approved!! But then have to wait exactly one moneth later since I requested to start work in mid Jan. Whatever ar, but looking forward to "relief teaching" ar. Don't know how it will be like. Worse still, what if no sch wants to employ me since my result so kns. Haiz, I better don't think too much ar, just hope that I can start work right on 16th Jan 2006.

Finally registered for relief teaching. But still have to wait till 16th Jan before I can start work, provided my application is approved in the first place. Er.. Don't really know what I can teach... So I chose sec sch chem, bio, phy, maths, A-maths. Oyaz, and comb humanities(geography) as well. But then so many ppl have already registered, haiz... don't know if mine will be approved. Whatever it is, just hope for the best.

Okay, juz reached back home at around 3am. Perhaps a few weeks ago, I was so busy with A-levels that I've totally forgotten abt the time! I thought it only happened during exams. But I'm so wrong. I actually thought today is Wednesday when it's already Friday. So I think it's not just studies that can make 1 forgerful, work can also make 1 stressed up sumtimes. For the past 4 days I would leave my house at exactly 5pm and usually reach home as early as 11pm or as late as 3am.
Must hit bonus!! Arz!! 3 blardy days left! Kaoz, this means I must sacrifice my sat & sun morning n afternoon le!
But then again, I also don't understand why on earth I'm slogging my life away when most are either overseas for holidays, shopping whole day or rotting at home playing games. And I realised that ever since my last paper, I've been out every single day. Maybe 3-4 days for going out with friends or buy prom stuff, but maybe the remaining 10 days I'm working at either motorola or at my other company. I think motorola is demn horrible. Hmm... Think my other job is more fun, but then still new, so still not tt stabilised yet.
So I must chiong like siao today ar!! Later report office 12pm. Kaoz... nvm, must endure the next 3 days and all will be fine. Hopefully.

Prom night was so fun! Owellz, shall start from 4pm, where I'm suppose to meet my friends in century square to style our hair b4 going prom. Met Gerald and Denzil, but as usual, my classmates were half an hour late, so walked around with Gerald and Denzil. When Gerald first saw me, he asked whether I'm going Korea now. -_-''' Owellz, so by the time we are done with our hair, it's already like 545pm or so. Arz... Quickly booked a "London cab" to that hotel. Oya, did I say that all of them except me were wearing their tpjc badge on their prom suit. Wah piangz.... Feel like pretending that I donno them... Thank God I managed to "persuade" them to take off the badge b4 reaching the hotel.

Hmm... Reached the hotel on the dot at 7pm. But usually such event will drag on for a long time and we waited till 745pm b4 we were allowed in. And yes, the student councillors gave me the wrong ticket. Kaoz... Then they expect me to call someone whom I donno to exchange back my prom ticket. And it's so demn paisehz, I donno the person, the person also donno who I am, and we were like frantically looking around trying to "guess" whose on the other line. And ya, lucky I took back my ticket.

So b4 we settled down, we were busy taking photos. Oh my.... A friend of mine was actually working at the hotel, those that are responsible for checking our prom ticket at the main door. The worst thing was that I couldn't recognise her at all till. And it was again another embarrassing moment after she checked my ticket.
She: You are coming here to eat!?
Me: (In my heart I was like what's wrong with me coming here!? Piangz, u attitude izzit) Er...Ya?
[I gave her that puzzled look]
She: I'm XXX
Me: HUHZ!?
Piangz, I didn't know that my reaction was so exaggerated that those around me all turned to look at me. Quickly walked around to look for me table and piangz, sucks man, it's right at the corner there. And throughout the prom night I was looking at the pillar only.

So there were 40 lucky draw prizes and with around 450 students or so, er... 10% chance of getting the prize. And ya, I got the 38th prize. Some free workshop to learn donno what jewellery thingyi and some perlini silver necklace. Aiyaz, 38th prize confirm those cheapo stuff 1 ar.

Comes to selection of prom queen and prom king. Initially 5 ladies were selected. WAH PIANGZ, out of the 5 only 2 can make it ar. The other 3 were like...... haiz... I donno who on earth chose them, kaoz. But in the end I think the prom queen whom I don really know is one of the better ones among the 5. And seriously I think there's like smth wrong with tpjc students' taste. Kaoz... There are so many other better-looking gals out there, and they actually chose some...argz... nvm. It's over.
Selection of 5 guys for prom kings was even worse. Wah kaoz... I donno what to say ar, but piangz, and it's only later I heard from some of my friends that some of them were "saboh" by their friends. No wonder... Luckily it's not that they choose these ppl becuz they are good-looking. What can I say... er... these prom king/queen selection process was so demn shitty.

So by the time prom ended it was like 1130pm or so. So some were busy taking photos with others. And so the "post-prom" activity was to go One-Fullerton opposite of Fullerton hotel there for clubbing. Reached there at around 123oam and the entrance fee was $18. Still reasonable I guess. And gosh, I think there were at least 150 tpjc students down at One-Fullerton there clubbing as well. So much fun! Drinking dancing drinking dancing became the common routine. I can say that once the music is on, u can't really stop moving your body. But it's kinda tiring after dancing for a long time, and so we left the place with my class guys to go Desmond's house play PS2. The gals stayed there till donno when. Actually I think that place is still quite a decent place, not really that "bad".

Left the club at around 330pm to go my friend's house at Hougang. While we were on the taxi, some of my friends were sleeping. I was looking out the window and there was a traffic accident. While the taxi slowed down as the traffic junction, I could see clearly a man lying down on the road with abit of blood around him, next to his motorbike. Apparantly the ambulance had not arrived with only like 2 traffic police there. And the person was like lying there still, not moving at all. At that point the taxi driver made a passing remark that most likely the person was dead already and ya, all my friends except me were sleeping by then. Later when I reached my friend's house there... We were walking along the those shops at the void deck there. And I accidentally kicked "something". It was a paper car. I was like "Oh o....." I looked at the shop and it happened to be selling those joss sticks and hell notes 1. Not that I wanna be superstitious or watz but....arz... nvm.

Played abit of Ps2 until 6am then I went back home. Reached back home at around 630am. So tired. Later still must work overnight. Okay, juz to post abit of pictures.

In a dilemma. With 4 games at hand; Fatal Frame, FF X-2, Devil May Cry 3 and Prince of Persia, don't know to start from which one. But then again, have u ever played some stupid game that goes around SHOOTING ghosts with some stupid camera which is suppose to be ur "weapon". Owellz.... Indeed a game NOT that worth playing cuz for some reason the ghosts can actually pass through walls and come strangling you. Dumbass game in short. But then again, with close to 4 months of holidays to spare, I seriously don't know how "productive" I can spend my time.

Going out with friends for a meal or movie is indeed fun, but then again it's not that u will want to do that everyday as u will become broke soon. Playing PS2 or comp games can only satisfy me for at most one month or so. Also don't know why, it took me juz one week to get sick of Maple story, and I wonder how on earth ppl can play that for nearly a year. Owellz, maybe I'm those "san fen zhong ri du". And of course, I've been thinking hard what else can I do other then the same old routine that I've been doing almost every holiday periods for the past schooling years. Nvm, shall settle PROM stuff and do something to my hair before Miss Sha's wedding this coming Sunday.

So I was watching channel8 'Tong Xin Yuan 2' for like the first time I guess in the past few weeks. Think it has been a long time since I last watched a proper channel8 show. And it was the commercial break. So I was lying at my sofa there.... So sianz.... Suddenly it started screening some "XXX" singer with some disgusting act cute voice. Gosh... I think the LAST time I heard that "voice" was like a few months ago, when I think u can almost hear it everytime in TV or radio or watz suring then. So I was like....... "WHAT RUBBISH IS THIS !?" Then buey tahan quickly switch off the TV for a few seconds b4 I switch it on again. My mum said I'm too "sensitive" to that particular singer.... Argz..... Whatever.... I think I better stick back to my SCVs.... at least there's no commercial break and u won't get to hear tt "voice" again....

Time flies. 10 papers down with 3 more to go. Can't believe that I've actually "endured" till now. But haiz, think I've lost the "exam drive" ever since after today's phy P3. And yes, I shall spend one whole day tml MEMORISING all the past 5 yrs chem MCQs answers. Initially I thought it was "stupid".... only to realise after phy P1 that at least 5 of the 30 MCQs were repeated for don't know how many donkey years and it all came out.... with almost all my friends who did the same "stupid" thing of memorising answer w/o even reading the questions!

To think of it, I think we have come to a state where we study hard just for some stupid cert to get a place in uni and not really for the knowledge. How pathetic a situation most of us are in now.

8 more days to end of hell period.

The LAST thing I will ever want to do in my life is to repeat A-levels... Argz... horrid A-levels... I can't imagine how many times tougher next yr's papers will be as compared to this yr's 1. So it's as good as wasting money to retake. And with the dragon yr boom.... Gosh... I better clear this yr's A-levels!!

So this is what my father told me:
If GP D7 = expected.
If C6 = Bonus.
If C5 or above = Miracle is upon me.

Please...Let me get at least a C6 for GP...I really don wan to fail GP. Let me taste how it is to PASS GP.

Screwed is the word to describe A-levels so far. And if u think u A-levels have been "no kick" for u, then pls stop reading what I'm gonna say.

The result of "CCD D7" seems so real now. Don't know if I can go to even one of the 3 local unis anotz. Haiz... Pls... Really grades to me is secondary. The more impt thing is to be able to get into uni. Haiz... I know it may sound how pathetic a situation I'm in now...but... haiz... I felt so traumatised these few days.... it's even worse than end times. Haiz... Hopefully next week's chem P2 and P1 will be do-able....

Phew! My sister told me ADE D7 can go NTU engineering... so ADE = CCD in terms of points.... CCD D7... argz!!...I may get into NTU engineering afterall!!! (provided I don get worse than CCD)

Sighz. A-levels have robbed me of I think 10 years of my life span.

3 papers down. And I think I have done terribly for all 3 papers, especially maths. Sighz. My only hope is P2 now. Haiz.
And pls, if u think u lost only 4 marks out of the 100 marks for maths P1, don't talk to me. And if u think Q7 of chem P3 is as easy as ABC, seriously I will ignore you.

Why on earth am I online now instead of mugging!? Owellz, for one very simple reason. It's some'1 B'dae!!! Not mine.................. Definitely not urs.... But........... HaPpY 19th BiRtHdAy BoA!!! Wahahaz.... Okay, although probability of the real BoA reading this post is 0, but juz hope that she is having a great time now!!!

Ain't I an avid fan of BoA? Harz, the fact that it is BoA's birthday has "boosted" my morale by abit. Owellz, I'm juz toking crap......

3 days to the first paper!!! Haiz... the thought of sitting for exam is okay. It's the thought of getting back ur result slip next year that is scary. And I keep dreaming that whatever I know will not come out, all those that I don't know will come out. I dream that I will fall asleep or I mean "faint" during maths P1. Argz... why do we have afternoon papers!? Haiz... This sucks.

So I went back to sch in the afternoon for maths consultation. Nearly "died" with 3 hours long of consultation. And I think Mr Chow also nearly fainted with me. And gosh, almost more than half the questions I asked, he simply said "Wellz, it's unlikely it will come out again, these are the questions which usually less than 5% of the students can answer". -_-''' God knows next week's maths papers may come out all those "rare" questions.

Mugging can really make one lose track of time easily. 6 more days to A-levels. And I think I've come into a state of confusion when I sometimes don't even know what I'm studying. Haiz, this sucks. And I realised I've been concentrating purely on chem and maths for the past 5 days or so. Wtf.... Why on earth did I ever take bio n phy 2 years ago?

I don't know how on earth to even "pass" GP. I know this is evil.... But I really hope that GP will be DIFFICULT so that the whole S'pore can screw up together with me.

This shall be my last post for the time being, The next time I post should be perhaps after my phy P3. And yes, I'm gonna remove my CPU and ask my parents to lock it in some "part" of the house.

And all the best to all taking A-levels!