I really feel I have lived my 20 years in vain, achieving nothing. What a blardy waste of time.

So I went to the Japan Embassy today to find out more about looking for schools offering EJU, aka "Japanese A-levels". Then it's like from what I know, the GCE A-level Cert which I took in Singapore is REDUNDANT lar. Fuck man. Wah laoz, I abit buey song y I wasted 2 yrs studying in JC lar. If only I can be MORE rebellious when I'm 17 after my O-levels, then maybe I can straight away go there to study. Like what the embassy person say, they also don't care whether u get AAA or EEE for ur GCE A-levels. After all, u r gonna take the EJU which matters ultimately. HAIZ. And yaz, I spend another 2 years serving this wonderful country. Thanks arz SAF. And so in total I just feel that I have spend 4 years of my LIFE in VAIN lar.

Because for me, I think age is very important leh. I mean like wah laoz, u wanna graduate at the age of 27, whereby other ppl maybe grad at the age of 22 or 23? Fuck sia, REALLY waste of time. I just feel that I'm no different from some ITE student who go to polytechnic then after that go to uni to realise they r gonna grad at the age of wat 26 or 27? O gosh, what a BLARDY waste of time man. Really lorz. Just now, the more I think of it, the more I felt pissed off lar. I just felt life is not fair lar. I mean true lar, life is NEVER fair.

Haiz. I donno why I just feel ANGRY to be in this small island called S*******. Really lorz. Sumtimes I really wish I can just leave this place and never come back at all. I really don't mind giving up my everything so that I can start from scratch in Japan.

And then my father insist that I shld at least complete my degree in Singapore so if I "CMI" in Japan, then I at least got a degree to fall on. Haiz, but then if my heart is not even here, I also won't do well. Because while I was chatting with consultant from the embassy, she also told me that perhaps I shld study in Singapore first, since studying for degrees like Engineering or Science in Japan and Singapore are abt the same. UNLESS u r gonna study Business or Econs then the content of ur degree will be abit different in the 2 countries. And when I heard that I was like "Hmm..Yaz, actually I'm thinking of doing a Biz/Econs degree." and the consultant was like -_-''' . And so my father just feel that even if I can scrape thru this EJU, he feels that I will drop-out from Uni in yr1 or yr2. It's so depressing to hear such things from my father. Am I really so stupid?

If my Dys1 can get AAAB for A-levels then also can grad from Osaka University with a Electrical Engin degree, I really don't see y I cannot make it there as well lar. Yaz, true, I admit I'm not smart. My Dys1 from RJC, I from lousy JC. He is PSC scholar, I am nothing. Ppl read 2 times can understand, I need to read 10 times. But wellz, does it matter whether u smart anotz>? If that's the case, I will put in EXTRA work lar. Ppl study 5 hrs then I study 10 hrs. I think I will really do that if I cannot catch up with the lessons if I'm in Japan.

There are 120 million ppl in Japan. IF THEY CAN SURVIVE in Japan, why can't NG WEI YANG do it? Don't tell me that Japan cannot even accomodate ONE extra person? Don't tell me that my intelligence or EQ n stuff is LOWER than that 120 million ppl in Japan? I'm confident I can find a way for survival in Japan. Even if let's say **touch wood** like my father say I really Uni halfway drop-out, don't tell me that that's the end for me? I'm sure that is a way to survive, is just how resourceful u r and how determined u r.

I'm really tired of living my life to one's bidding. Serving my 2 youthful years with NO MEANING, NO PURPOSE. And to be frank, I really feel VERY sad that I have to use my parents' money if I wan to go Japan to study. Yes, I know it's exp. The sch fees alone already headache. Then consider accomodation I know is not a small sum. But I REALLY REALLY got no choice but to use my parent's money. I wish my parents will charge me 50% interest rate at least make me feel better. And I also don't know when will I be able to return them this large sum of money. By the time I start work I'm perhaps in my late 20s liaoz. Haiz. I really feel very guilty that my parents have to fork out money. I think I will strive to do well for EJU then hopefully I can try to find potential Japanese companies that can sponser me money, like "financial grant" like tt then I won't mind serving bond for them for a few yrs.

Owellz, nvm. I managed to hold of some brochurs and guide pamphlets regrading studying in Japan. I think it's time I start looking for potential Japanese school offering EJU course. And the next application period is from Feb 2008 to Apr 2008, in order to start sch in Oct 2008. Owellz, got the whole of January to dig out info from the THOUSANDs of Schools offering the Japanese courses in the whole of Japan.

Which city will I end up in, I also don't know.