Learning to make choices

No doubt, I'm the most useless person. What can I do other then to piss those ppl who r considered close to me. To break the hearts of those who care for me. When I'm at my lowest point, they are the ones who stood by me. And when things are fine, I seem to have amnesia and become a dog who turns around to bite its own owner. What a beast, isn't it?

I'm such a stubborn person. I don't care how I get the stuff I want, undertable means, overtable means, underhand or overhand methods, I shall get what I want. But what do I achieve at the end of the day? I just become some cold-blooded monster who doesn't know what "gratitude" means. Sometimes as I think ahead, I can't imagine what kind of person I will turn into when I go to work next time. Somebody u wish u will never bump into perhaps? I don't know. And I don't know if some sacrfices are really worth in order to pursue what u want?

To pursue your dream, is it worth sacrificing my family, my relatives, my friends, and whoever that I know>? And at the end of the day, what if I realise that perhaps some things are just NOT worth giving up... But you realised that it's too late. And what happens next is you will be filled with regret and be trapped in that vicious cycle? You are just a farking miserable person who doesn't have anybody to share your joy or sadness with. You regret that WHY did you have to pay such a HUGE price in order to fulfill that FUCKING dream of yours. Everybody has their own dreams. But at the end of the day, why must you create such a big havoc until it seems as if your dream is some "BIG SCALED" dream. If you are farking capable, then you wouldn't need to rely on others to fulfill ur dream. But the fact is, I'M NOT.

So what if I make it big in Japan? So what if I can graduate with a good degree in Japan? So what if I can get a high-paying job in Japan? So what if I can have all the materialistic wants I can ever think of? Will I feel satisfied? I will just feel so miserable. When you see others can share their joy with their family, I can't. When others still can return to a place they called "Home", I can't. When others are able to go through thick and thin with their family, I can't. For all the satisfaction that you get from attaining your dream, you shall pay a price of losing something called "Kinship" which you cannot buy even if you are a farking millionair.

So at the end of the day, everybody has to make choices. Every choice perhaps comes with sacrifices. So the problem is, is the choice you make WORTHS more than the sacrifices you make? If not, did you make the wrong choice?

I think I have made my choice.